The REAL Inconvenient Truth–”Before” Stats

As promised, Sports Fans, I am making public the ugly facts that are my “before” measurements.  I’ll keep you posted on progress as I receive it, but on only my second day on the MediFast program, I noticed something interesting.  My jeans, which fit OK in the morning, were annoyingly falling down all afternoon!  I had stopped wearing a belt to work, because the sole piece of metal on my belt (the buckle) kept pinging the metal detector.  Now I’ll just have to deal with the metal detector, at least until I get to the point where I have to buy new clothes.

Anyway, here are my opening stats (as of 05/27/09):  not for the faint of heart. All measurements are circumferences unless otherwise noted.

  • Neck:  16 1/2″
  • Shoulder (span):  25″
  • Right (upper) arm:  16 1/4″
  • Left (upper) arm:  16 3/4″
  • Chest:  50″
  • Ribs:  45″
  • Waist:  45 1/4″
  • Abdomen:  46″
  • Hips:  47 1/4″
  • Right thigh:  23 1/4″
  • Left thigh:  24″
  • Right inner knee:  16 1/2″
  • Left inner knee:  16 1/2″
  • Right calf:  16″
  • Left calf:  16 1/4″
  • Right ankle:  9 1/2″
  • Left ankle:  10″

Yes, I made my rookie mistakes on the first day.  In fact, that day now has a name.  I call my first day on MediFast “If at First You Don’t Succeed, Read the Directions.”  I came into the Education Office the first day (where we all pick up our daily rosters and chat before classes begin) and heated water in my shaker container for my first MediFast meal, a chai latte.  While the microwave heated my water, I was telling my co-workers that I had started this program, and my intended results.  The microwave dinged as I was beginning to explain the meals.  I continued to explain as I opened the chai latte and poured the contents into the container.  I put the lid on, began to shake and BOOM!  Two of my eight ounces of chai latte went EVERYWHERE, especially on the floor and my white tank top (I wore an unbuttoned blouse over it).  I just narrowly missed one person, and saw the horrified look on another the instant before it happened.

My immediate boss, Billy, came in just as the testing coordinator came in to report that she could not access the mops because the folks with the key to the janitorial room were not in yet.  Billy (God love him) found some rags, and we proceeded to use them to clean the floor.  Just as Billy took the last of the rags (and put them somewhere known only to God), the school administrator walks in the door with a perfunctory “What’s up?”  As I walked toward the restroom to clean myself up, I looked the administrator in the eye and replied “Do you want to know?  Do you REALLY want to know?”  He didn’t–I guess his PhD has paid off!

I went into the restroom, realized there was WAY too much chai latte all over my front to clean, then turned my tank top backwards and put my blouse back on over it.  No one was the wiser.  It wasn’t until a similar, but smaller and more contained incident as I mixed my cream of broccoli soup at lunchtime that I noticed on the shaker container these small but important words:  “Not for use with hot or carbonated liquids.”

As of this morning, the beginning of the fourth day, I weighed 215 lbs. even.  That’s 13 lbs in three days!  Granted, it’s easier to lose the first ten lbs. rather than the last 10, but I am bound and determined to make this stick.  Despite trips to the movies and the mall, and a payday when everyone else got my adored Golden Chick, I have not cheated once.  In fact, when I saw my counselor, Linda, yesterday, she cautioned that I may be drinking too much water.  I’m limiting myself to four 32-oz bottles/day.

Whenever I start to feel hungry, I look at my  watch.  Without fail, the time is revealed to be inching dangerously close to the end of my 2-3 hour space between meals!  So far, I don’t dislike anything I’ve tried, although I don’t think I’ll buy another box of the Orange Creme Shake–the taste is reminiscent of liquid baby aspirin.  The beef stew is good though.  Next time, I’ll have to try my new box of “chicky shnoodle”:  what my favorite cartoon character, Mooch, calls chicken noodle soup.

Last night, I fell asleep watching one of my favorite movies:  Hello, Dolly.  I was bummed about missing the scene at the Harmonia Gardens, but when I woke up this morning, I felt more alive than I have in a longer time than I remember!  Wow!  We went briefly to the mall today, and Ladybug and I were picking out what I will wear when I have the body for it.  In truth, though, it’ll be a long time before I buy my clothing retail.  I plan to haunt the plethora of Goodwill stores (which all look remarkably nice around here) until my size is by-God stable.

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1 Response to “The REAL Inconvenient Truth–”Before” Stats”


  1. 1 Instinct June 1, 2009 at 9:27 am

    good for you, amigo, I wish I was doing as well with my weight loss goals, but we will keep at it and get there.


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